I've been in the process of trying to get an online intuitive painting class created, completed and out into the world.
And I've been thinking about doing it for a very long time. By now it's probably been four years.
Initially, I thought that I COULDN'T do it. I was having a heck of a time seeing how I could communicate the richness and depth and intimacy of a process that I had only known in a live workshop setting as a virtual experience. So I ruled it out as a possibility.
Two years ago I finally figured out that it COULD be done. It just meant that the online class wasn't going to be the same thing as the live class. And that didn't imply better or worse. It was just going to be different.
So in the summer of 2012 I decided to go ahead with making it a reality. And here it is, a third of the way into 2014, and it's still not finished. Not even close.
Getting this class up and running has been an ongoing lesson in patience and diligence for this die hard, make it happen NOW Aries Rising girl. There have been setbacks galore and frustrations beyond belief. Major fuck-ups, deep disappointments, people not doing what they said they were going to do... and on and on and on.
But I haven't given up on it.
Sometimes when the doors don't open easily its a sign that the project was not meant to be. But there are other times when the setbacks force you to hone and refine and chisel away at the thing you are creating in order to make it better and more powerful and ultimately more satisfying.
For you AND for the folks you serve.
And this project definitely has the feeling of the second scenario.
This might sound like I'm talking about falling prey to the dreaded trap of perfectionism. But there's a difference between perfectionism and carefully perfecting something.
Perfectionism comes out of a place of constantly doubting yourself. It's fraught with anxiety. And it's related to trying to be something that you're not. Perfectionism at core implies that who you are naturally isn't enough. And so you have to sweat and strain and agonize in order to fit yourself into some kind of box.
It's also related to trying to gain approval from an outside source. And this source is always one that is not capable of valuing you as you are.
Perfecting something comes from a place of sweet tenderness. It's that desire to polish and burnish and shine something that comes from your very soul. Something that you already love and adore. And you are simply tending to it. Listening to it. Allowing it to come fully alive and become what IT needs to be with your attention and your devotion.
I'd also forgotten the cardinal rules of the creative process which are:
A.) The Creative Goddess runs the show.
B.) I am and always will be the Creative Goddesses Bitch.
C.) Given that a.) and b.) are true I ultimately have no control over any creative project. They all have a life of their own. My only job is to listen and obey.
In relation to the online class project, I realized that even though my ego (which was FULL of plans and deadlines) wanted things to happen by a certain time , the soul of the project had its OWN timetable.
So all of the things I have perceived as screw-ups were simply part of the process. If I could get out of the way enough to realize that was what was happening, it's actually all fine.
And I usually CAN remember that when what I am creating is a blog post. But there was a LOT more at stake around this project in terms of time. And energy. AND money.
Which made it harder to just surrender to the inevitable process of creative flow.
So now I'm lovingly ministering to this new iteration of the class. Listening to IT instead of pushing my own agenda. Slowly recognizing that what is now unfolding is a million times better than my original vision, which unbeknown to me was way too limited. And way too small.
The soul of this project has some pretty amazing plans for how it wants to be expressed.
And I am back in service to its wishes. Tending. Loving. Honing. Listening.
And practicing patience. Knowing that when it's finally born it's going to be EXACTLY what it needs to be.
Which from the way things are unfolding is going to be pretty darn fabulous.
I wanted to talk about an upcoming astrological transit that has some folks feeling rather skittish because of its rarity and intensity.
It's no news to anyone that we are going through times of great upheaval and radical change. The transformation meter is set on HIGH and we are all feeling the heat.
There's a particular transit (which is astrology speak for how planets engage in relationship to each other) called the Pluto-Uranus Square that began in the fall of 2012 and will happen seven times ending in March of 2015. For a basic refresher course on that transit you can check out a blog post I wrote about it called The Uranus-Pluto Wake-Up Call.
This upcoming transit in April is number five out of the seven. I think of these two planetary giants as massive wrecking balls banging away at huge, monolithic structures that have become repressive and rigidly oppressive and need to be dismantled. And eventually pummeled into dust. So it takes a number of swings to get the job done.
These structures can be external like governments, business, social or economic organizations.
They can be structures in your mind, like belief systems, ideologies or world views.
And they can also be very personal psychological and emotional structures in your psyche.
But the bottom line is that everything is up for grabs.
The thing that makes this transit even more intense is that the planets Jupiter and Mars are also joining the party in April, forming something called a Grand Cross. What this means to non-astrologers is that all four planets are facing each other off in a geometric alignment that creates an incredible amount of tension and pressure.
In this formation, Pluto is demanding that something to be brought to it's knees, Uranus insists on liberation at any cost, Mars is pissed off and looking for a fight and Jupiter expands everything it touches.
So the worst case scenario is three bullies in a stand-off with Jupiter egging them on.
But these forces can also be harnessed for positive change. The power in this configuration is immense.
There is so MUCH tension that something HAS to give.
What that can look like for you is the possibility of whatever isn't working in your life suddenly devolving into some level of chaos and unbearable stress, leaving you feeling powerless and trapped. But if you end up in that position, there is also the opportunity to use the planetary friction to break through whatever you find yourself mired in, to a place of MUCH greater freedom, increased passionate energy, deep and profound meaning and expansive, optimistic faith.
So to prepare yourself for this transit, the questions you need to be asking yourself are these:
What do you really and truly want? What heart's desire have you been denying yourself that you can no longer bear to push aside? And where do you need to be taking courageous action in service of that desire?
And then act on that desire.
Where do you feel constrained, restricted, held back, held down, imprisoned and shackled by either external circumstances or the workings of your own mind? Where are you sacrificing your authenticity and individuality in order to fit in and gain approval? What revolutionary change needs to happen in your life so that you can again feel emancipated and free?
And then make that change.
What old and outmoded structures are you desperately holding onto that finally need to break down, die, fall apart, collapse, dissolve and disintegrate so you can make room for the new thing that is waiting to be born?
And then let go.
How have you given up on yourself and your life? Where do you need a MEGA infusion of faith and optimism and confidence? What risks could you begin to take that would allow you to believe in yourself again?
And then take those risks.
This is an intense time. A time to take action. The ride is likely to be wild and tumultuous. But waiting around and half measures just aren't going to cut it any longer.
But you ARE brave. You have what it takes. And the planetary forces are behind you every step of the way. The cosmic intent IS for us to go to the next level of being more fully awakened and alive.
And that includes a greater sense of fulfillment and joy and personal power that will help us to create a much better world. A living world. A world where we can feel truly at home and connected to everything. A world where we no longer have to feel so very separate and alone. A world filled with justice and love, truth and abundance and ultimately freedom, respect and compassion for all beings everywhere.
So loosen your shackles. Let yourself be surprised. Allow your heart and intuition to lead the way. Surrender what no longer serves your highest good. And I'll meet you over on the other side. Wiser. More whole. And dancing.
And if you would like to get some more insight into your OWN chart regarding this transit you can get more info about setting up a reading with me here.