My work in the world has everything to do with cultivating freedom of expression.
I have devoted my life to spreading the gospel of trusting in your ability to connect with your deepest intuitive wisdom through the creative process. And finding personal and collective liberation through the power of making art in an authentic and soulful manner. No matter WHAT curveballs life may throw your way.
And boy oh BOY have these last few months ever challenged me around my confidence and connection with these core precepts.
I’ve been SO thrown off my center by the avalanche of continual plot twists of upheaval and disruption in the outer world that it sometimes feels like I’ve forgotten everything that I used to know about grounding and faith and creative healing.
And I figure if this is happening to me, I’m sure that it’s happening for a bunch of you out there in my beloved creative community.
For example, It’s been hard for me to write lately which is something unusual for me. I love writing with a holy passion. Just as I love all forms of creative self expression. But the past few weeks the words have NOT been flowing. I feel kind of frozen and definitely confused.
Because of my role as leader and teacher and guide in my various creative circles, I also feel a certain pressure ( totally self imposed) to be inspiring. To provide some clarity and direction for ways to deal with the current crisis of the world as we know it imploding on a daily basis.
To address the longing that so many of us are feeling which is the need for some kind of certainty. For something surefire to hold onto.
Normally, I DO have at least SOME version of that clarity. But right now I don’t know where to go or what to say. And I don’t feel very inspiring.
The way forward isn’t very clear to me. AT ALL. And I feel bad about that. I so want to know what to do. I want some certainty about what will work. I want an answer to the question of what is going to guarantee me the outcome I so deeply desire?
I want to help. I want to give people a sense of comfort and hope. But all I can give to myself and to all of you is what I’ve always given. A reminder that you are well equipped with the tools and the capacities that are unfailingly yours, which are your heart, your wisdom, your intuition and your creative genius.
So since I can’t be inspiring, the only thing left to me is to be real.
And right now real looks like asking these questions:
How and what do I trust when the ground is continually shifting underneath me?
Can I be courageous enough to have faith in what I feel instead of always defaulting to relying on what I think?
Am I courageous enough to take time to rest? To listen deeply? To slow down? To surrender to the not knowing?
Am I courageous enough to say I’m scared? Or angry? Or that I feel powerless and confused?
Am I courageous enough to share my confusion? To reach out for help and connection? To honor my need for community? To ask for comfort and love?
I’m trying as best as I can to answer these questions from a place of trusting that all I need is to ASK the questions and then be open to what arises. Even if what I hear is the sweet sound of spacious silence.
Contrary to what it may look like, when you don’t know what to DO, your intuition has not abandoned you. She is not out to lunch or asleep. She is simply sitting back, watching and waiting for the right time and the right way to respond.
Not knowing is a holy place to be. And it’s important to remember that it IS possible to embrace the empty space of the unknown from a place of curiosity as just another human experience on this wild and wacky life journey.