Lately it has been pointed out to me that a.) there is one person that I tend to neglect on a regular basis ( meaning me) and b.) it’s kinda sorta difficult for me to receive.

As we are in the middle of that time of year that is often known as the season of generosity, I have been looking at those issues surrounding giving and receiving in my life.

First of all, I am extremely identified with being a giver. It’s a huge part of my sense of self. It makes me feel good about who I am. It gives me a sense of purpose and of being a valuable and worthwhile person.

I give all kinds of things. Like my attention, my empathy, my compassion, my wisdom, my experience, my deep listening, my time, my heart, thoughtful gifts, my famous roasted butter chicken, sometimes money, always love and my endless creativity.

I give advice when asked. I help people solve problems when needed. I’m old enough to claim to have some wisdom to share. I have a sturdy shoulder to cry on. And I’m told that I give great hugs.

And I do thoroughly enjoy the giving. It’s often fun and it sparks and sparkles all kinds of warm and fuzzy feelings in me and in those folks that I am giving to. It creates an atmosphere of bounty and abundance that I love being a part of. It makes people happy. And it makes me happy, too.

We’ve all heard the old adage…. it’s better to give than receive…. which is apparently  a direct quote from Jesus and even if you’re not a Christian it’s hard to argue with the fact  that he was one wise dude!

So YAY to giving. Giving all around! Let’s give more and more and more and more.  Let there be no end to the giving.

There’s not much of an obvious down side to giving. Or is there? I mean how can giving ever be a bad thing?

Intrinsically of course, it’s not.

But giving out without allowing anything back in can over time push us terribly out of balance.

If all you’re doing is giving and not finding ways to refill the well it’s like driving your car around until it runs out of gas and expecting that it will keep going. And if it won’t go, refusing to give up and then getting out of the car and giving it a push.

And of course THEN throwing out your back and ending up in traction.

When you think about it in terms of your car it becomes patently obvious that trying to keep driving when all you have left in the tank is fumes is ridiculous and self defeating.

But around the giving thing we have a fantasy that we should just keep going and going and giving and giving as if we are a bottomless, never-ending, self generating well of generosity.

It’s absurd. It’s unrealistic. And I don’t know. Maybe it IS just me. But I’m pretty sure it’s a fantasy that a lot of us share.

I used to think that it was just woman who were delusional in this way. But I think men have their own version. It just operates in different arenas. Guys will push themselves mercilessly around their work . Women around their relationships.

But the end result is still the same. Way too many people in givers traction.

I have a women’s group that I facilitate on Thursday nights and since November we have been exploring the energy system known as the chakras.

For all you not so woo-woo types out there the twenty-five cent explanation of the chakra system goes something like this.

To be healthy and happy we need to feed ourselves with stuff other than what we actually put in our bellies. Things like love, power, sensuality, spirituality, creativity, safety, security, adventure, intimacy, passion, intuition, support, beauty, play, communication, balance, a sense of purpose.

The chakras are living energy centers in the body that process these varied types of experiences. They take this energy food and use the available nourishment to maintain our zest and enthusiasm for life.

They keep us vitalized by making sure that the mojo we take in keeps moving. That the channels stay open and the flow continues flowing.

Which in the best of all possible worlds keeps our whole being… our physical, emotional and spiritual systems … operating at the highest level.

But it’s up to us to give ourselves what we need to thrive. And when we don’t do that the chakras can get all wonky and gunked up and even shut down. Which leads to multifarious kinds of miserableness.

For the past few weeks in the group we have been working on the second or naval chakra.

This chakra needs things like wanton pleasure, deep nurturance, passionate intimacy, wild creativity and the full expression of ALL our feelings if it is going to flourish.

It’s a pretty juicy chakra. But for most of us… especially those of us indoctrinated by this Puritan ethic gone wild, work obsessed culture, that poor dear chakra is dried up like a sad and sorry little prune.

The second chakra is very directly related to the issue of receptivity. Vulnerability. The capacity to experience pleasure. To fully receive. It is the ability to know what we need that will allow us to feel like the world is full of goodness. And the willingness to be open to actually taking in that bounteous benevolence.

So that we can feel supported, among other things,  to birth our gorgeous creativity into the world.

So in the group we’ve been practicing doing those things that make us feel really, really good. Like sharing our most decadent foods ( chocolate eclairs and persimmons really rock).

Massaging each others hands and feet with our favorite essential oils while listening to music in a room full of flickering candlelight.

Saying out loud our true hearts desires … anything from ordering (and eating!) a forbidden fried chicken sandwich , to getting a pedicure, to taking a nap or an afternoon to go hiking on the beach… and then making a commitment for that thing to happen during the week in between group sessions.

The whole idea is to learn to really accept pleasure. And nurturance. To allow ourselves to be given TO!!

Fully. Deeply. Without excuses or apologies.

What a TOTALLY radical concept… but so necessary if we are going to stay creatively juicy and happy to be alive.

So I offer you a permission slip this holiday season to TAKE that radical step of practicing receiving. Of identifying what it is that you really need and want. And then going for it.

It can be as simple as giving yourself long periods of delicious rest and some quiet downtime just for you. Or as elaborate as beginning to plan that exotic vacation to a foreign land that you have been denying yourself because it’s more than you think you deserve.

It can look like taking time to focus on a cherished creative project. Or asking your honey for a foot massage.

Whatever it is, it’s really OK to do it. To ask. To receive. And no matter what Jesus had to say on the subject, I think that receiving is JUST as holy as giving.

And if you do this I promise that in a very short time your second chakra will start humming and thrumming and looking all fat and happy again.