If Dancing In The Streets Means You’re Crazy I Don’t Want To Be Sane

by | Jan 2, 2010 | Articles | 10 comments

I have a new intuitive painting student who has been surprising herself by how often she finds herself asking the question “You mean it’s really OK to do that?”

This question comes up around simple things like ” You mean it’s OK to make a mess? Is it really OK to use this much paint? Or to use two pieces of paper if I want to make a really big painting?”

On the one hand she knows all these questions are absurd. I have made it totally clear to her that she has complete permission to do whatever she wants. But it was incredibly eye-opening for her to see how many unconscious assumptions and rules were governing her creative life.

One of the reasons it’s hard to be as fully creatively as you might want to be is that we are all riddled with these types of erroneous expectations. We are constantly being bombarded, both internally and externally, with different messages around what is allowable, what is permissible, what fits in with who you think you are and who you think others will allow you to be.

We get pigeonholed. Locked into an identity. We all have a story about who we are creatively. And that story generally comes from what we’ve been told by other people.

Some of us were granted the artist title. But that designation can be just as inhibiting and suffocating as being told you don’t have a creative bone in your body. When you are the “artist” you always have to be proving yourself. You are constantly trying to outrun the critiques. You can’t make bad art, you always have to be  original and you don’t dare expose yourself as having substandard technique.

Some of us were stamped as “creatively defective”. So we never even bother to try and pick up a paintbrush or write a poem because we are led to believe the myth of talent and the even bigger myth that we don’t have any.

But there are myriads of other messages that we get around what is allowable creative expression, especially as adults.

One of my favorite activities is to go to a certain local city park where I can be out in nature. This particular park has a wide asphalt trail that winds through the trees and around a lake and is filled with birds and beauty and silence. It’s popular but not overly crowded especially during the weekday afternoons which is when I like to be there. I also love bringing my iPod, wearing my Bose headphones and playing music as I walk.

There is one eensie-weensie problem which is that when I’m listening to some of my favorite tunes cranked up to maximum volume on my headset I am inspired to do more than just walk. I’m already pretty jazzed and energized just being outside but then the music makes me want to start toe tapping and even bursting into a little “the hills are alive” tra-la-la-ing , as well as indulging in some of my “I am a rockstar singer” fantasies.

I usually don’t follow that impulse, however, because the ironclad cultural message that we all have deep in our bones is that we DO NOT sing and dance out in public on the streets if we are a grownup.

Now, singing and dancing where other people can see you is not COMPLETELY prohibited.

There are certain very proscribed places that it’s OK to sort of spontaneously move our bodies to music. It’s acceptable to shake our booty on a dance floor in a club or at a wedding. It’s still within the realm of acceptable behavior to open wide and sing along with the performers if we are at a concert.

But walking along a trail in the forest and trying out my version of tap dance moves while gamely attempting to hit the high notes on an old Joni Mitchell song? Nuh uh. No way Jose. That is just wrong. If you do something like that you are plain weird. Unacceptable. Not normal. Way far out on the farthermost hinterlands of the bell curve.

However, even though I’m well trained in most popular social mores sometimes I just can’t help it. My body simply wants to move when the beat takes hold of me. So I would find myself out there on the trail torn between the desire to appear sane by simply walking in an orderly fashion while fighting off the urge to break into a little impromptu twist and shout and risk being branded as a crazy person.

Occasionally, when I could stand it no longer, and only after making sure the coast was clear by furtively looking behind me and hoping that no one would appear around the next bend in the direction I was headed, I would allow myself to briefly prance and gyrate like Gwen Stefani on stage singing her hit song Hey Baby. And as soon as someone would come into view on the path I would immediately stop my hip twirling and pretend like I was doing nothing more than strolling.

This sneaky strategy was exhausting, completely unsatisfying and at a certain point became patently, obviously ridiculous. I actually like to think of myself as someone who is fairly uninhibited around the whole creative self expression thing. After all, it’s MY JOB to help other people gain more freedom around their creativity.

I feel like it’s important that I hold down that particular fort, providing some support and role modeling for people to let their creative freak flag fly, hopefully giving them permission to maybe take a few more creative risks. And trusting that if I am seen putting myself out there, it can help other people feel a little less scared and maybe even give it a try.

So I knew I had to change my approach to this whole thing. I knew I had to stop being so constrained by a cultural expectation and limitation that I think is total bullshit anyhow. I had to risk being thought of as weird and crazy. I had to break a social contract.

It was time for me to start dancing in the streets. Or at least on the city park asphalt.

I took the plunge while joyfully jumping around and belting it out to one of my favorite songs by the Ramones, I Want To Be Sedated. Because I was scared, I started my little experiment when I was alone on the path, but when a group of 20 something guys appeared coming over the next hill, I didn’t stop.

This was NOT the group I was hoping would be my witnesses on my maiden street dancing voyage. I would have been much happier if it had been a group of 90 somethings who maybe couldn’t see and hear all that well. But I knew it was now or never.

I needed to make a stand. And a shimmy.

I was highly uncomfortable because I could feel that it made them uneasy. I could see them looking at me out of the corner of their eye with a WTF? look on their faces that I could easily interpret as being judgmental. And they were also edging away from me slightly as if worried that my obvious unbalanced state could lead to something even more unpleasant than shaking old lady butt.

But we all survived.

They had a story that they could tell about this weird white haired woman they saw making a total fool of herself in the park. And I reclaimed a tiny bit more of my creative freedom to sing and dance wherever I damn well please.


Comments

10 Comments

  1. I have to tell you that I always LOVE when I catch someone singing out loud or dancing down the street. This used to happen a lot when I lived in big cities with subways. I’d be sitting on the subway and someone would break into song while listening to their headphones. Most of the folks around me would give them a dirty look, but I always thought this person had so much joy, they couldn’t just keep it to themselves! Amen to that!

  2. oh how i do love to watch freak flags fly. especially when they’re the freak flags of those who usually hold the space while others fly theirs. do you know how many times i have danced in the street, in the grocery store, on the elevator – always only on the inside, though. but now, now i’m absolutely inspired.

  3. If I saw you, I would be watching with envy. I am always dancing on the inside, never on the outside. I am inspired!

    I am with your client. I am slowly realizing how often I am waiting for permission or approval .. and it is very eye-opening.

  4. @darrah I know what you mean. I feel exactly the same way. It always makes my day when I see someone just letting the joy fly!

    @whollyjeanne YAY for dancing on the inside AND the outside!!

    @elizabeth That approval is something that we are all so hungry for and I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling inspired. I think it does help to know that you’re not alone.

  5. WARNING: this comment may be hazardous to your existing worldview!

    I think it’s fascinating and also frightening to look at how programed we are by our experience in society. This programing is so deep that we often believe that it’s Truth. It’s not – it’s just lousy programing we picked up from people who are just as programed by their environment.

    The key is to recognize it, and then when it comes up, to notice it and consciously recognize that it’s not truth but rather is programing.

    How much better would the world be if we could let go of all the programing that causes us to feel shame. When is shame ever useful? my answer is never.

    Andy
    http://binauraljourneys.com

  6. I’m with Elizabeth…it’s really hard for me to stop worrying about what other people might think. And even when I’ve made a conscious choice not to worry, there’s a part of me watching myself, wondering if I’m doing it “right.” Talk about crazy-making!

    Loved this story…and I think if I ran into you along the trail, I’d be inspired to join in! :)

  7. @AndyDolph Amen to shame never being useful and just saying no to all that inhibiting cultural conditioning!

    @VictoriaBrouhard I’m right there with both you and Elizabeth. I have not yet stopped worrying either!! But it would help a lot if you were dancing with me (-:

  8. You know when I was (much) younger I made a living as a go-go dancer (the slightly clad kind) – loved it, was good at it. Made good money at it. Got older. Had kids. Daughter turned out to be a good dancer and the dances were all new. And suddenly I lost all that lack of inhibition and now dance only in my house. Mostly tap my foot when out. Always remember about 25 years ago seeing an “older” (ahem) woman step out of a crowd of younger folks at an outdoor concert and proceed to dance slowly and deliberately. And the ovation (we were already standing) she got. This post makes me think of her (as if I don’t a lot anyways). LOVE this post. Here’s to reclaiming all of us, one little piece at a time if necessary.

  9. Oh Christine, what a great story! I would love to have seen you! I’ll bet you really “cut a rug”! LOL! I’ve been practicing letting go of some of my inhibitions, too. During the Christmas season I LOVE to sing–although not very well mind you– Christmas songs. I do this while in the parking lots and stores. I receive VERY strange looks…as if I’m sprouting wings or something…from A LOT of people. I’m hoping one day someone will chime in. Maybe I’ll add a few toe taps to my melody this coming Christmas! I can see it now, me dancing my way from my car to the store while singing Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer! If THAT doesn’t make people smile, then bah-humbug to THEM!

  10. Loved this post! It is sad how programmed we are to follow the norms that society dictates to squelch the inner childlike yearnings we have to be spontaneous, full of joy, life-loving, and wanting to kick up our heels to celebrate the pure joy of being alive, or even just be what others might call a little bit (or a lot) crazy. I would have loved to have seen you dancing your way down the asphalt sidewalk! I always feel such joy when I see people cutting loose and singing in their cars, tapping away on the steering wheel, and not even realizing, or caring, who may be watching. I love it when people express their joy and passion for life. It is sooo inspiring! I’m inspired now to design my own Creative Freak Flag fit for flying sometime in the near future! Thank you for a fantastic and inspiring post!

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