This little piece is one of those drawings that made me pretty nervous from the moment I started it because I had NO IDEA what it was or where it was going.
Which meant I had to practice trusting the process and the brush quite a bit… not exactly my favorite thing. I much prefer it on a certain level when I have more of a plan. It’s less scary for me when I am working within known parameters.
But it’s also BORING… and not nearly as much fun as being surprised by what shows up in my art.
So I’m always torn. Some part of me wants the safety of the known. The other part of me wants the thrill of the mystery and adventure.
And what that looks like is that every time I take on a creative project I’m always engaged in this dance. Trust and faith in the process in one corner of the ring. Surety and what’s familiar in the other.
Sometimes, when I’m really feeling scared, I’ll find myself tempted to model my creative expression on someone else’s work. But I know that I could never really do that. I would lose interest in about five minutes tops.
So whether I like it or not I’m kind of stuck with being a creative thrill-seeker.
Painting weird, black winged creatures that are hiding behind pulsing, flaming hearts. Holding balls of energy in their hairy clawed feet.
And even though I find myself often filled with anxiety as unexpected colors and images show up on the page in front of me, also truly enjoying the uncontrolled and uncontrollable aspect of the creative process at the very same time.