Last week I spent a little time making art with other folks in an online creative community. Before we started our creative process we were asked to set some kind of intention for the art we would be making. And what came to mind immediately was the question of what does it mean to be an elder? Since I will be 73 years old in less than four months this theme has really been up for me.

I approached this art piece like I would any other time I make art by holding this question lightly in my heart and allowing myself to be open and curious as to what might emerge.

What showed up on the page was unexpected as always, starting with swathes of color and then at one point a figure emerged. Once that happened I had to work with myself a bit to not jump to any conclusions, noticing that my mind wanted to immediately KNOW if this was where the painting was going to answer my question about elder hood.

It’s always a struggle… even for me after having done this work for so long… to stay with the moment to moment unfolding of the process and not let my mind grab the steering wheel in an attempt to fully understand what was happening and to make meaning out of what was appearing.

So I just continued the practice of staying in the present, feeling into the energy of what color or shape or image wanted to happen next and trying to keep myself from succumbing to the need to control the outcome.

This way of painting is both challenging and joyful… all at the same time… because it means I have to stay awake to the tricky nature of my left brain and how it is so deeply committed to things like productivity and perfectionism and making things look pleasing. Or at least to make sense.

And when I notice that it is relentlessly pushing me in the direction of trying to be in charge of my creative process, that is when I need to make a choice, over and over again, to come back to simply listening … to my intuition, my body and my heart and allowing my deeper wisdom to lead the way.

And it’s in that surrender to that deeper way of knowing where the joy lies. My mind wants to convince me that if I only make a GOOD painting that not only pleases me, but also gets rave reviews from other people, then I will be happy.

But that self serving, people pleasing, art ego is the ultimate con artist. And never truly delivers on its promise to make me a HAPPY creator.

Only by allowing myself to faithfully follow the path of creation into the mystery of not knowing, where there is not a plan or a pre-conceived outcome, can I be led into a true sense of liberation. And wild creative freedom.

Which is the thing that my soul truly hungers for in the end.

Once the painting was complete I could see that my question had actually been answered because what I saw when I looked at the painting was a wildly earth based being who was as grounded as a tree, as powerful as a jaguar, as committed to transformation as a snake, as wise as an owl and fully open to the life force energy surrounding me and living inside of me.

But I fully trust that that truth would never have been revealed to me if I tried in any way to MAKE it happen.