I’m in the middle of facilitating one of my week long Painting From The Wild Heart workshops. And I have a developed structure for all my retreats that’s based on transmitting the principals of the intuitve painting process to the folks who show up for the workshop.
But each group also unwittingly creates their own theme for the week. Something that seems to show up in every person’s painting process in one way or another.
The theme for this workshop is turning out to be Creative Freedom.
Most of my students are asking themselves certain questions, like: “What does it mean to be creatively free? What does it mean to be creatively hobbled? And what does it look like to break free of those bonds once you’ve encountered them?”
So I thought I would let you all in on the wisdom that is being expressed by these incredibly courageous women as they grapple with these questions.
Dust Bunnies + Plumping Pillows
This student has painted some huge multi-colored tears raining down out of an even huger eye and when I talk with her she is in the middle of outlining the tears in black.
Me: How is your painting coming along?
Student: Well, I’m painting these black lines…
Me: Yes….
Student: And I’m feeling kind of brain dead while I’m painting them.
Me: Hmmmmmmm…… OK. I’m going to challenge you to stop painting those lines immediately and remind you that one of the things we do here in this process is to pay attention to where we feel the most alive. And to STOP doing anything that doesn’t feed that sense of aliveness.
And the last time I looked, brain-dead is kind of the opposite of aliveness.
Student: But I CAN’T stop painting them!! Not until I’ve finished them all. If I stop now, the painting is going to look all weird and imbalanced. I have to make sure it’s PERFECT… THEN I’ll paint what feels alive for me.
Me: But sweetie… that’s not true. You actually CAN stop painting them. It sounds to me like what we’re really talking about is choice. And you have that choice. You can either continue to stay with what is boring and tedious for the sake of perfection or you can choose to be alive and engaged right here and now as you paint. It’s completely up to you.
Student: * looking distressed*… This is really hard. I’m not sure I can do it.
Me: I know… I know… It can feel INCREDIBLY hard when you’re on the brink of making a big shift in perception like this one. Let me ask you something. Does this issue come up for you anyplace else in your life?
Student: Oh my goodness, YES… This happens to me all the time at home. I won’t let myself go to my studio and create until every dish is washed. Every pillow is straightened. Every dust bunny is vacuumed up. And of course there’s ALWAYS something more to do around the house, so I never get to my studio.
*She starts to cry*
Me: So what are you feeling right now?
Student: Sad. And defeated. This isn’t how I want to live. But I don’t know how to break free of the voices that tell me that I don’t deserve to do art unless I have done everything else perfectly.
Me: I’m going to suggest that you have a powerful opportunity, right here and now, to practice standing up to those voices and letting go of that need to be perfect. And you can do that through the painting process. But it’s totally up to you. So are you ready to be creatively alive?
Student: * Still crying, but determined.* Yes. Yes, I am.
Me: OK. So here’s the question. And it’s quite simple. Tell me one thing that can happen next in this painting that would feel like creative freedom?
Student: * Her eyes get huge* Oh my goodness…. I think I can see it! I could stop painting the lines and fling red paint onto the paper.
Me: How does it feel to think about doing that?
Student: Scary. But exciting. I’m kind of tingling all over. But seriously … can it really be that simple? You know, I’ve been dealing with this issue for my whole life.
Me: Yes… it really can. This kind of stuff can shift in the blink of an eye. When you’re ready. And it looks to me like you are SO ready. Congratulations… I think you’ve just broken a huge pattern. Creative Freedom is just a spatter of red paint away!
Art School Shackles
One of my students is a professional artist and is trying to figure out how to reconcile intuitive painting with her art school education.
Me: What’s happening here with your painting process?
Student: I know that you talked about letting go of mental constructs and aesthetic concepts this morning in the class lecture, but I LIKE it when things are balanced and symmetrical. It’s incredibly pleasing to my eye. And there are times when that conceptual language really helps to guide me in my process. Are you saying that I should never use those ideas again?
Me: I’m not saying that at all. You have that language available to you because of your training. And you should use it IF it also aligns with your intuitive promptings. But that language can also be a cage and a trap. The purpose of many of those concepts is to help you maintain control so that you can reach a desired outcome. They don’t always leave room for messy, astonishing, creative surprises. Or authentic expression. If you ALWAYS follow those rules, you end up painting like everyone else. And I seem to remember you telling me that the reason you came to this workshop was to regain your creative passion and unique creative style.
Student: Yes… you’re right. I want to feel like I can create like MYSELF again. But I get caught in the desire to be a “good artist.” I want to get approval. And I want to sell my art!
Me: Exactly… but how does it feel when you’re always following the rules and painting in the way you’ve been told you are supposed to paint?
Student: Dead. Frustrated. Disconnected. It’s no fun anymore. I desperately want to feel that sense of freedom and possibility and excitement again.
Me: So that means you have to constantly be mindful of when your art school training SUPPORTS your sense of creative sovereignty and when it INHIBITS your creative freedom. And continue to choose liberation over socially approved aesthetics. You need to become a creative rebel and a revolutionary artist!!
Student: Well, when you put it THAT way….. how could I possibly refuse? Death to the color wheel!! I’m going to do things MY way from now on!
As you read these stories notice if you can relate to either of these issues. And see what happens when you ask yourself what it means for you to claim your birthright of Creative Freedom.
Oh yes these stories resonate… Thank you so much for creating the space for them to be… And fir us to resonate with.. And hopefully learn from.
Red splatters and f the rules. Love!