I’ve been in the process of trying to get an online intuitive painting class created, completed and out into the world.
And I’ve been thinking about doing it for a very long time. By now it’s probably been four years.
Initially, I thought that I COULDN’T do it. I was having a heck of a time seeing how I could communicate the richness and depth and intimacy of a process that I had only known in a live workshop setting as a virtual experience. So I ruled it out as a possibility.
Two years ago I finally figured out that it COULD be done. It just meant that the online class wasn’t going to be the same thing as the live class. And that didn’t imply better or worse. It was just going to be different.
So in the summer of 2012 I decided to go ahead with making it a reality. And here it is, a third of the way into 2014, and it’s still not finished. Not even close.
Getting this class up and running has been an ongoing lesson in patience and diligence for this die hard, make it happen NOW Aries Rising girl. There have been setbacks galore and frustrations beyond belief. Major fuck-ups, deep disappointments, people not doing what they said they were going to do… and on and on and on.
But I haven’t given up on it.
Sometimes when the doors don’t open easily its a sign that the project was not meant to be. But there are other times when the setbacks force you to hone and refine and chisel away at the thing you are creating in order to make it better and more powerful and ultimately more satisfying.
For you AND for the folks you serve.
And this project definitely has the feeling of the second scenario.
This might sound like I’m talking about falling prey to the dreaded trap of perfectionism. But there’s a difference between perfectionism and carefully perfecting something.
Perfectionism comes out of a place of constantly doubting yourself. It’s fraught with anxiety. And it’s related to trying to be something that you’re not. Perfectionism at core implies that who you are naturally isn’t enough. And so you have to sweat and strain and agonize in order to fit yourself into some kind of box.
It’s also related to trying to gain approval from an outside source. And this source is always one that is not capable of valuing you as you are.
Perfecting something comes from a place of sweet tenderness. It’s that desire to polish and burnish and shine something that comes from your very soul. Something that you already love and adore. And you are simply tending to it. Listening to it. Allowing it to come fully alive and become what IT needs to be with your attention and your devotion.
I’d also forgotten the cardinal rules of the creative process which are:
A.) The Creative Goddess runs the show.
B.) I am and always will be the Creative Goddesses Bitch.
C.) Given that a.) and b.) are true I ultimately have no control over any creative project. They all have a life of their own. My only job is to listen and obey.
In relation to the online class project, I realized that even though my ego (which was FULL of plans and deadlines) wanted things to happen by a certain time , the soul of the project had its OWN timetable.
So all of the things I have perceived as screw-ups were simply part of the process. If I could get out of the way enough to realize that was what was happening, it’s actually all fine.
And I usually CAN remember that when what I am creating is a blog post. But there was a LOT more at stake around this project in terms of time. And energy. AND money.
Which made it harder to just surrender to the inevitable process of creative flow.
So now I’m lovingly ministering to this new iteration of the class. Listening to IT instead of pushing my own agenda. Slowly recognizing that what is now unfolding is a million times better than my original vision, which unbeknown to me was way too limited. And way too small.
The soul of this project has some pretty amazing plans for how it wants to be expressed.
And I am back in service to its wishes. Tending. Loving. Honing. Listening.
And practicing patience. Knowing that when it’s finally born it’s going to be EXACTLY what it needs to be.
Which from the way things are unfolding is going to be pretty darn fabulous.