I get awfully tired of being an adult all the time.

I get exhausted just thinking about the list of things I have to do to keep my life operating on a more or less even keel, much less actually doing all those things.

Like always having to be competent. And responsible. To have to at least appear like I know what I'm doing and to sound like I know what I'm talking about.

The striving to accomplish my goals and making constant headway on my plans. Being an adult means more or less having my shit together. Dealing with stress. And things going wrong. Being strong. And organized. And at least somewhat in control.

Like I said, it often just plumb tuckers me out.

Which is one of the reasons that I so love being creative. It gives me a break from all of that real world pressure and anxiety. It gives me an opportunity to just play. To stop thinking and worrying and planning so much and just be in the moment with whatever creative project I might have going.

In particular it's the main reason that I fell in love with intuitive process painting. I started painting intuitively in 1989 at around the same time that I was getting my graduate degree in psychology.

Being in school meant dealing with a lot of pressure. To perform. And be graded, evaluated and scrutinized. Writing papers. Giving presentations. Making logical and rational sense. Which put my judging mind into total overdrive because I was trying so hard to be a good student and do everything right.

I desperately needed a way to step out of all that relentless left brain activity.

And I had always been drawn to the arts. But I knew that I didn't want to take an official art class where I would have to learn more rules and have to worry about having to be good enough in another arena.

I just wanted some time to play with paint and get back to the place of being a child again. So I found an intuitive process painting class in my area and was transported to another world where I didn't have to think or perform or be capable at all. It was a little piece of heaven on earth.

And I'm totally convinced that it's what got me through graduate school with a modicum of my sanity still intact.

As well as completely changing my life.

Because once I got out of school and was faced with another 2-3 years of internships and hoop jumping I made a choice which had huge ramifications for my future. I could either continue on down the path towards professional licensure and a certain kind of respectability or totally switch directions and become a wild-assed, kind of out there, on the fringe intuitive painting teacher.

Which is of course what I decided to do.

Mainly because I wanted to help other people discover the freedom and joy that I was able find through the simple act of putting paint on paper in exactly the way I wanted to do it.

But letting that inner child come out to play unhampered by adult expectations is much easier said than done.

Most of us have lost touch with the simplicity of the creative impulse. We get all bound up by rules and expectations and adult concerns like looking good. Being proficient. Constantly achieving and accomplishing. Managing things.

All of those things that are ultimately wearing us out and causing us to be cranky and overburdened in the first place.

So one of the easiest ways of getting back to that childlike ease with creating is to use childrens art supplies.

When you come to one of my classes or workshops, what I make available to you is an abundance of tempera paint ( which is also known as poster paint. Or kids paint), brushes and paper. The paint is water based and non-toxic so it doesn't need any kind of special attention or expertise in using it.

The whole point of this process is to let go of the "I've got it all together", worldly, sophisticated part of ourselves and just get back to simply creating.

And the good news is that painting in this way is the most natural thing in the world.

Children know exactly what to do when you hand them a pad of paper and some paint. They just begin painting. And even though you are now in an adult body you can still do the same thing.

When children are very young they don't worry about doing it the right way or the wrong way. They don't know that there is such a thing. They are just drawn to and fascinated by what happens when you take these bright and pretty colors and put them on the paper.

It's creation in it's most basic form.

You start out with an empty white surface, you add some color and now something exists that didn't a moment ago. You have created something. You get to experience yourself as a creator.

So this is essentially what we are going for in this process. The original impulse. The spontaneous, untrained expression.

And it's scary and risky to just do that. We can get completely hung up on worrying about wasting paint or wasting time. We can become mesmerized by the twin gods of efficiency and effectiveness that seem to rule this culture. And we can find ourselves immobilized when we don't have a plan where everything is all mapped out.

And we have a hard time with embracing the child's mind otherwise known as beginners mind. There are so many issues that come flying to the surface when we try and paint in this way like fears about being good enough and knowing what we are doing. We are easily triggered into a place of shame or inadequacy if we aren't proficient or skillful at something right away.

Which is one of the reasons that we use very simple art materials.

If you start your life as a painter by investing in expensive oil paints and large canvases you are asking for a world of pain and trouble. You can become all too easily intimidated by the materials themselves. You can find yourself becoming crippled by a whole host of expectations that gets set up.

There's the expectation of needing to become a "real" artist, which means that you have to be incredibly good and talented so that you can then sell your art, get recognition and  become famous. And before you know it you're thinking about finding a gallery and an agent and "Oh my god, how long will it be before I can see my paintings hanging in the MOMA?"

This little train of thinking might sound crazy but it happens all the time. It's part of the cultural expectation and mythology of making art in the Western World. It's all bound up with the unconscious archetype that we all carry, right or wrong, about being an artist.

And it is a complex of ideas and expectations that has a life of it's own and can completely take over the psyche. Leading to abject terror at the monumental size of the task you have set for yourself and a numbing paralysis that won't even let you begin to create.

And the thing that is so interesting about this whole cascade of thoughts is that it happens to people who don't even really want to become professional artists. Because it's the only archetypal game in town. People don't know how to think about or relate to making art in any other way except through this mindset.

So that's why we start with children's materials.

Because we are trying to invoke another archetype which is that of the inner child.

When I start with a new student the first thing that I suggest to them is that they let themselves paint as if they are four years old. And when they first hear that instruction the relief is palpable. Something in them relaxes.

Being four is something that they know they can do. It invokes the attitude of it's OK to just play. It's OK to not know what you are doing. It's OK to make mistakes. It's OK to be silly or whimsical or to paint stick figures if that's all you know how to do.

Using the children's supplies helps because it alleviates the pressure to perform like an adult and to be a "real" artist. You can't make serious art with poster paint and non-archival, card stock paper. You have to let go of those expectations.

Although, believe me, even with the kids supplies, people still go off into fantasies about the MOMA. But it's harder for them to take those fantasies seriously.

The paintings become less precious because the materials are less precious.

Which gives you the space and the freedom to experience what is really precious. The unhampered creative expression of your own spirit and soul.

So get yourself some poster paint, make your adult take a nap, and see for yourself if your inner child artist might just feel safe enough.... and invited enough... to come out and make some wildly unsophisticated, colorful, incompetent but ultimately freeing art.

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If you would like some support to give your outer adult a break and allow your inner child to come out and play sound shaman Fabeku Fatunmise and I are offering a fun filled five day intuitive painting and drumming retreat called ARTSOUNDYOU! just outside of Portland in August.

Naps, milk and cookies are included with the price of admission. As well as TONS of poster paint.

I've been reading a lot of novels lately... and have come across some darned good ones... but the thing I've noticed the most is that a story only really gets interesting when someone majorly screws up.

If the protagonist falls in love with the wrong person, if the best friend tells a lie to protect her buddy, if the 13 year old kid steals the car keys so that he can take off to go and confront the bad guy ..... that's when I start to cringe.

And if I find myself internally talking to the character and saying things like "No, no NO.... don't do THAT ... don't go THERE .... don't be such an idiot...."  then I can't put the book down.

I'm hooked because now I am emotionally involved. I need to find out what happens. I keep turning the pages to see how this craziness gets resolved.

Even though I truly want the happy ending, if the characters are all mature and well adjusted and balanced and full of love and light throughout the book it doesn't make for very compelling reading.

I may not like a lot of drama in my life, but "whoo boy" I must say that I LOVE drama in my art.

I love the drama inherent in a good story written by someone else and I love the drama and passion that comes when I am in the middle of a creative undertaking. And drama is definitely related to the underbelly of my psyche. All those squirmy, messy disturbing parts of myself are where a lot of my creative juiciness lives.

One of the things I've learned about the creative process is that things are much more engrossing and compelling when I'm willing to not be so well behaved.

And it's when we allow ourselves to get in trouble that we start to feel more awake and alive.

So what exactly does it mean to "get into trouble" creatively?

Well the first thing it means is letting go of perfectionism. Because being perfect means always doing the right thing. The first time. No mistakes are allowed and goddess forbid that we ever venture into the land of not knowing what the heck we are doing.

Perfectionism assumes that there IS a right way. It whispers in our ear that if we are very meticulous and conscientious and deliberate we will be rewarded. If we are constantly attentive and on guard and following the rules we will eventually end up with something that is flawless and beautiful and beyond reproach.

Perfectionism is so darned careful. Perfectionism never EVER wants you to get in trouble. That's kind of the point.

Of course always trying to be perfect comes with a price tag. It means that we won't be enjoying ourselves very much as we create. It means that mostly we will be feeling  tight and earnest, anxious and controlled.

Ultimately being perfect all the time will bore us RIGHT OUT OF OUR EVERLOVING MINDS!!

So what does it look like to let yourself get into trouble creatively?

I know it's different for everyone but here are a few universal things that I have seen in myself and with my students as they paint. All of these suggestions will bring you up against your need to do things perfectly. Because if you follow these recommendations you will have one heck of a time maintaining anything remotely resembling perfection.

And of course you can use these ideas for ANY creative medium.

1.) Don't have a plan to start out with.

It doesn't mean that you can't have an idea. Maybe you get excited about the vision of painting a tree or a self portrait. That's fine. But don't think that you have to have it all figured out ahead of time or know what the end product is going to be.

The trouble you can expect: You might start out with a tree and end up with a tiger. Or a space ship. Or a tiger IN a space ship. Or something else that you had no idea was going to make it's way into your painting. Things might look a little weird and not make a whole lot of sense. OK, OK... things will DEFINITELY look weird and not make a whole lot of sense.

WARNING: Don't show these paintings to your shrink unless you want a whole new set of diagnoses.

2.) Allow yourself to do something even if you've never done it before.

This is a place where many people stop themselves from being creative because they are convinced that they should already be good at something that they have zero experience with. And since you're clearly NOT going to be any good at this thing, you shouldn't even try.

Which is really pretty crazy when you think about it. But that's just how that old judging mind works. It's long on opinions and comes up very short around anything that resembles reality.

What kind of trouble to expect: If you've never painted something representational before your giraffe or car or house might end up being a little funny or crooked. It might look like it was done by a four year old.

It most certainly won't be mistaken for something done by Michelangelo or that it belongs on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. That really is OK. It will be uniquely yours. It will definitely be original. Which makes it something that is TRULY creative.

3.) Be willing to have things be messy and chaotic. Allow yourself to be lost and out of control.

Most people are usually pretty intimidated by the whole idea of making any kind of mess. And chaos is considered to always be a bad thing. There's a lot of shame associated with not being in control because we associate lack of control with powerlessness. And feeling powerless is scary.

But being swept up in the creative vortex teaches you that control is merely our favorite illusion. And anyway, the TRULY important things in life are always messy.

Birth. Death. Love. Sex. Eating. Popcorn.

The trouble you can expect: You will find out how much fun it is to be messy and you won't want to stop. Messy is WAY easier than being neat and tidy all the time. Your love affair with messy will probably go on for a lot longer than you will deem rational or reasonable.

4.) Be bold. Take some risks.

This can look like painting really big or using lots of bright colors. Boldness and risk taking are associated with NOT looking before you leap. Just leaping. It's having the attitude of "Why not?" and "What the hell? What's the worst thing that can happen?"

It's learning that the worst thing might not be so bad after all and even if it is you can deal with it. You also need to remember that the risks you are taking are in the creative realm. It's important to not take the whole thing too seriously.

In the words of a famous jazz musician (can't remember who) : "Hey man, it's only music. It's not like someone is going to lose an arm."

The trouble you can expect: As you get bolder in your creative life you might start getting bolder in your REAL life. Maybe you'll find yourself WEARING some of those bright and risky colors. Or get a hankering to try a little intuitive process painting on your actual walls... in your house.

5.) Be spontaneous. Trust the brush.

True spontaneity requires a great deal of courage and the willingness to let go. It's about having the capacity to surrender to something larger than our day to day familiar sense of self. Being spontaneous gets us in touch with the fact there is more to us than we think. We start to recognize that there is an intelligence operating within us that is connected to our core, our essence, our intuition.

And what is THAT connected to?

That, my dears, is the age old 64 million dollar question.

The trouble you can expect: Your paintings will start to talk to you and prove themselves to be a rich source of wisdom and guidance. You will no longer be content to live your life based on gaining approval or living it on someone else's terms.

You will start to have your own opinions and ideas and desires. You will speak up, become visible and perhaps upset a few apple carts in your life. You will feel more confident because you are more in tune with whatever you experience as spirit. Your life will gain more purpose and meaning.

And THAT is the best kind of trouble I can even begin to imagine.

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I am co-leading an Intuitive Painting and Sacred Sound/Drumming Retreat with Fabeku Fatunmise called ARTSOUNDYOU! May 16-20 near Portland Oregon. For MORE info please click here.

I have been involved in the world of blogging and making online connections for the past year and a half.

And it's been an exciting new adventure for an old dog like me. I'm 57 and most of my peers can send an email and surf the web but don't really understand the amazing sense of community that is created through blogging.

I have also been blown away by the dynamic aliveness and richness of the CREATIVE community that is present online. It's so magical to find these (mostly) young women who are incredibly talented and passionate and inspiring through their art and writing.

Who are bringing the message that creativity is a spiritual and emotional healing process that is available to anyone and everyone. Who are spreading the gospel that each and every one of us is a creative being and that creativity is an essential part of a deeply fulfilling life.

I just adore these girls, and feel so grateful that they are now part of my circle of creative sisters.

Just recently Connie Hozvicka, who is part of that tribe and has a fantastic blog at www.DirtyFootprints-Studio.com, attended one of my Painting From The Wild Heart weekend retreats.

She and I had been having an online relationship since last year and I was already deeply touched by her openhearted and generous spirit. But meeting her in person last weekend was a whole other experience. I don't think it's possible to meet that girl and not fall head over heels in love!

Some of it was that we are both Polish and had some weird childhood things in common. For example, being expected to eat bizarre foods like czernina (ducks blood soup) and kielbasa as well as knowing more than we ever wanted to know about bootlegging whiskey and playing cards!

But our real connection was our deep and abiding devotion to the goddess of creativity. When Connie came to the workshop it was clear from the start that she immediately GOT IT. She understood about the power of surrendering to the creative flow, the deep truth that resistance is futile and the magical reality that our paintings and creations are living beings who need to be listened to and respected and loved.

She also got that if she didn't follow the directives of the creativity goddess and let her highness run the creative show she was in for a heap of trouble!

But here... I'll let Connie speak for herself. She is in my studio talking about her experience at the Painting From The Wild Heart workshop and the intuitive painting process.

It's my first attempt at making a video and editing it on my own which was way more fun than I thought it was going to be and a creative venture all it's own.

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If you would like to have a direct experience of your creative muse mercilessly bossing you around I have a couple of upcoming workshops that can support you to hear the voice of your creativity coming through loud and clear.

The Point Of Greatest Aliveness. Wild Heart Painting As A Spiritual Practice, April 16-20 at my studio in Oakland CA.

For more info click here.

ARTSOUNDYOU! An Intuitive Painting, Sacred Sound and Healing Drumming workshop, that I am co-leading with Fabeku Fatunmise, May 16-20, just outside of Portland, OR.

For more info click here.